This week I want to discuss the dilemma of loyalty versus honesty.  The more we understand about this dilemma, the more sense might our politics begin to make.

A friend shared this story with me as an exercise to work through the dilemma of loyalty versus honesty.  Bill and Jim were co-workers at a major financial institution.  Bill was Jim’s supervisor.  In fact, in their division, six other co-workers worked under Bill.  Each of these subordinates loved Bill.  They thought he was a great guy.  And each one also knew that the subordinates did all of the work and came up with all of the innovative ideas.  Frankly, while Bill was a great guy, he was a lousy supervisor.

Bill and Jim were not only co-workers, they were neighbors and life-long friends.  They grew up together, went to college together, and joined the firm together.  Their families did things together – their children were best friends and their families vacationed often.

One day Jim was at lunch, headed back to the office, waiting at a crosswalk, when the company’s President came up from behind him, put his arm around him and asked Jim how he was doing.  The President shared how pleased he was that Jim’s division was doing so well.  And then the President asked Jim a troubling question: Jim, what do you think of Bill as a supervisor?

At that moment the light turned green and Jim and the President began to cross the street to their office.  Jim had about 20 seconds to answer his boss’s question.  On the one hand, Jim knew that Bill was a poor supervisor; on the other hand, Bill was Jim’s best friend.  If Jim told the truth, the President might fire or demote Bill.  If Jim chose loyalty above truth, Bill might not ever face the reality of his own poor work.

It was quite possible that Jim could take over Bill’s supervisor role if he just told the President the truth.  But then Jim would feel terrible having done that to a friend.

And so, now I ask, what would you do?  Would you tell the truth and risk a dear friend’s job?  Or would you choose loyalty to your best friend?

An interesting part of this exercise is that you can’t fudge your answer without giving away your real feelings.  For instance, you can’t say something like “why do you ask?” or “give me some time to think about that” or “maybe I’m not the best person to answer that question, after all Bill and I are dear friends.”

The clock is running.  You have 20 seconds to give your answer to the President.  Actually, you have less time because if you wait too long to answer, you’ve already given your answer.

The world of politics is filled with these dilemmas over loyalty versus honesty.  The public clamors for honesty in government.  And yet, so many personal relationships are borne in the refiner’s fire of professional politics that loyalty holds strong sway for most people.  Think of the recent case of former Senator Sheldon Killpack.  If his colleagues were being honest with him and the public, perhaps he wouldn’t have consumed alcohol and then hopped behind the wheel of a car.  In this case, it seems that his colleagues chose loyalty over honesty and that choice was clearly the wrong one.

Before we pass judgment on any person in these situations, let’s first pass judgment on ourselves.  Are we loyal or are we honest because, so very often, those two virtues will be in conflict.

Try this exercise with your spouse or girlfriend the next time she asks if that dress makes her look fat.  Will you be honest or loyal?

By the way, my friend who told me that story about Bill and Jim was actually the Jim character and had to live through that personal experience.  My friend chose to be honest and Bill ended up losing his job.  To this day, decades later, my friend feels the weight of his decision.  He told me, with tears in his eyes, if he had to do it all over again, he would have chosen loyalty.

For the Sutherland Institute, I’m Paul Mero.